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The new Mil Mascaras in Mexico City
Update: Guess What?

I now have a letters page!

Bienvenidos a
A Whimsical Parody and Improvement of

Why Improvement?
Because I don't have the Love Theme to Titanic streaming in the background.

Yep, I am offering to paint any car for $99.95 if you introduce me to a woman who becomes my girlfriend. Don't want your car painted by me? Can't blame you. Well, unlike that that guy at, you have options here, buddy! Oh, yeah.

Introduce me to my girlfriend, and you can choose your own prize from this list:
  • Paint any car for $99.95
  • One year supply of Rice-a-Roni. (It's the San Francisco treat you know)
  • A pair of Spiderman pajamas that gives the wearer actual super spider powers (as long as he/she believes hard enough)
UPDATE: I am now offering a free jar of
Pace Picante Salsa to anyone who gets a
woman to call me.
So Why Am I
Doing This?
Can you say "Too much time on your hands?" First thing, let me state that my goal here is not to just parody A lot of what that guy says is somewhat applicable. He wants to do everything he can to find a wife, and that's admirable. His web site still makes me laugh, but his goal is admirable. Also, I thought this would be a fun way to do a quasi-combination personal/political web site. Also a good female friend of mine, Sarah, thinks this would be a good way to meet the specific type of woman I'm looking for (More on that later - be patient, you little monkey). Well, we'll see.

Why Not the Regular Approach?

My good friend and relationship coach, Sarah, thought that since I'm looking for a woman with very specific qualities in my "real life," and how the city I'm in is not the greatest for finding what I'm looking for, I ought to see how powerful the internet could be. There are lots of internet personal sites out there, but the amount of guys on them greatly outnumber the ladies. That's kind of interesting since single women outnumber single men. I guess the statistic I heard of "35% of men who get personal ads are married" has some merit to it. Even a pearl of a guy like me can get lost among all that swine! ;)
Damn I'm modest!

Anyway, she showed me, and I thought it would be funsies to make this site. So I'm going to try and follow Rod's (I call him Rod, even though we've never met - I feel a kinship with him) web site as closely as possible in format - both layout and subject matter (not so much subject matter as layout). I also want to say that I'm writing my own code and making my own graphics here (I'm der ubergeek) - I'm not copying the code from his site or any of his graphics.

Nitpicking that really serves no purpose: Around this part on Rod's page, he mentions that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Man, I hate that statistic because I think it's wrong, and here's why. You get a bunch of people like Elizabeth Tayor who marry and divorce over and over again, you're going to throw off the average. Liz has been married something like 8 times. Put her in a room full of 15 other people who have never been divorced and count how many divorces they as a group now have. Thanks to Liz, it's eight - 8 out of 16 is... um... don't tell me... 50%. There's where that 50% statistic comes from. The divorce rate is actually closer to 25%. "Still, 25% is pretty high," I hear you cry. I don't know about that. You can't say that a high rate of divorce is necessarily bad, or at least all bad. One needs to look at the cause of the divorces. Yes, divorce is easier now. It's easier for people who are just tired of each other to get divorced, but it's also easier for people in abusive relationships to divorce as well. All divorces can't be bad. All right, I'm done with nitpicking, and I've filled up some more space! Yay, me!

At this point, Rod goes off on some tangent that I can't really follow. He seems to be saying that because of technology racing ahead while during the same time, methods of meeting the right person have not changed, teenage crime has risen over the past 20 years. This is about the most twisted logic I've ever seen outside any gathering of more than four or five conservative republicans (little slam there). Anyway, I guess it's not important enough to obsess about it, but c'mon... YOU try and make sense out of it!

I'm a little teacup short and stout/Here is my handle; here is my spout...

Me and Senator Jim Inhofe, Oklahoma's shame
Please click on the picture above to read about the prank I pulled on him.

"Who's your daddy?/Quién Es Tu Papi?"
                           James Wiske

No, there is nothing wrong with me (that a good slap wouldn't fix probably). I wouldn't call myself desperate (yet). I have a high degree of confidence (I'm DA MAN!), and I am deliciously saucy.

I'm dong all right for myself. I just bought a house, and I've got a good job, all my teeth, my charm, a natural grace of movement that mesmerizes others, two turntables and a microphone, etc. I have three bachelor degrees, and I've done some work on getting a Masters but decided to put that on the back burner now to work and earn some money (gotta get rid of my gambling debts - just kidding). I have most of the normal goals people have in life (to destroy that which I cannot control), and on the rare occasion when I look at someone else and think, "Man, that person is my age and already doing so-and-so!", I always stop and remind myself that that's a dumb way of living your life. "It is the natural order for different animals to travel at different speeds though not all animals are blessed with the ability to instinctively recognize and develop their innate skills to reach their ultimate potential." Okay, I don't really tell myself that. I got that out of an old comic book I have, but you get the point.

Me and Pat Buchanan, wind-tilting schmuck-boy
Please click on the picture above for an explanation (I'm not a Buchanan lover).

I want to move to another state... of consciousness. Remember: A relationship is not a doorway to an answer but a path leading forever onward towards the horizon. Meditate on this wisdom with me now. Ohmmmmmm...

Okay, so she's not my girlfriend, but I needed a good picture of me and a female so I could mark out her face like what Rod did at (Bottom of page - Can you believe that?)

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Site Inception: April 8, 2000